twelve (t h e . r i d i c u l o u s . p a n d a)

so i guess this is how it's going to be, silas lee. the weather has gone crispy and cool and we're reminded of just where we were at at this time last year.

most of all we couldn't wait to see your face.

sam and i wondered a whole lot what exactly the combination of the two of us would look like. now we have a pretty good idea and for your sake we're quite relieved. you are a joy to stare at all day long. in the beginning, i remember how strange it would feel to look away from you. i would feel the muscles behind my eyes pulse when i finally changed my point of view to something other than you. i would force myself to look away once sam got home from work so that i wouldn't be quite so baby crazy. but now, when we lay you down at night i always wish i had soaked you in a little bit more. exactly what you were like that day, those moments. because when you wake up and your papa brings you into bed in the middle of the night, my first thought always is: "he's so big. so long. so old. so different than the last time i saw him."

this past month, you have become quite the buddy. you and i spend so much time together during the day that it is such a relief to see you develop different ways of playing, interacting, bouncing, squealing and smacking with all your loved ones. watching the expression on your face change to pure joy when you see one of your recognized friends, papa or family - that's awesome. but's it's even more fun for me as your mama when your friends look just as excited to see you.

so many things in the past month, silas lee. two syllable words (puppy, balloon), loads of more signs, true communication and understanding, a hilarious sense of humor and anticipation. reading books with you has finally become an interactive experience when you anticipate what animal, action or picture will be on the next page and you move our hands out of the way so you can turn the page. crazy.

we also lost a dear family friend this month. and with all the tears, long talks, hugs, church service, and a late night at the funeral home, you silas lee, were a champ. interesting that you decided exactly on the day that we found out about her death to start giving out kisses. all the time kisses. you preface the kiss with a matter of fact grunt and two little palms on the side of our faces, then plant one on us, followed by a self satisfied little sigh. classic and totally unique. and your papa and i and your grandma will totally take them, all of those baby kisses.